Those Aussie Mechanics

As you've read in my bio, laughter is high on my priority list.  I've had this little list for about 10 years.  I just found it again yesterday and had more than a few good laughs and I thought I'd share it with you!  I truly don't know who to credit for this list but whoever it was I thank you!

Qantas Mechanic responses to Pilot's written complaints of the planes that the pilot flew.  In order to fly a plane, these pilots need a college degree.   The mechanics?  Well they need a high school diploma.

The following is a list of Pilot "gripes" and Mechanic "responses" written for record.  These are filled out by the pilots after every flight.  The mechanics review and fix the items on the "gripe sheets".

Remember:  Qantas is the only major airline to have never EVER had an accident.

Pilot:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacing.
Mechanic: Almost replaced the left inside main tire.

Pilot:  Test flight OK, except auto-land is very rough.
Mechanic:  Auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot:  Something is loose in the cockpit.
Mechanic:  Something has been tightened in the cockpit.

Pilot:  Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic:  Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot:  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Mechanic:  Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

Pilot:  Evidence of leak on the right main landing gear.
Mechanic:  Evidence removed.

Pilot:  DME volume umbelievably loud.
Mechanic:  DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Mechanic:  That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot:  IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Mechanic:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot:  Suspected crack in windshield.
Mechanic:  Suspect you are right.

Pilot:  Number 3 engine is missing.
Mechanic:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot:  Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

Pilot:  Target radar hums.
Mechanic:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot:  Mouse in cockpit.
Mechanic:  Installed cat.

Pilot:  Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Mechanic:  Took hammer away from midget.

I just love people with a sense of humor, don't you?  Now go out and have a super day!